Leaving, leaving, leaving

It's like crying spells mixed followed by excitement followed by anxiety and stress.
I'm broke and I don't even have anywhere to live yet.
I have to wake up in four-and-a-half hours to drive to Sacramento to get on my 7am flight.

And it's been weird being home. And I've been so bipolar about it. Some days it's been awful and I feel annoyed at everyone and everything, and some days I feel like everything is going great and I've met some great people and everything looks so lovely.

I guess maybe it's the lack of sleep and the fact that I probably drank more than I should of last night. But I'm scared. Scared like I used to be when I was 15 years old and felt terrible doom knowing I was going to have to go on an airplane. And I have haven't had good dreams and everything on the news is about 9/11.

And I hate saying goodbye to everyone. I'm just not good at it. And I feel so emotional about it but pretend like I'm not.

And all day I felt like crying whenever I looked at my dog, because he somehow KNOWS and so does my cat and they look at me with their big sad eyes and I feel awful.
It's moments like these that make me feel like I shouldn't leave at all. But maybe that's also my anxiety. Maybe I've lost my mind.