Weeks, Weekends, the Future

Time goes by so quickly it's unbelievable. The weeks feel like they are going by so slowly because in the mornings our apartment is cold and the bed is so warm; the schools heating leaves something to be desired (though it's a million times warmer than the village school was!); the children are screaming and not responding to discipline. But then suddenly, it's 3pm and you don't really know where the day went and all you can remember is how fucking adorable the 2nd graders were and how genius your 4th graders are and what little turds the 5th graders were being--but how creative their bullying each other is--seriously, one kid ground up a piece of chalk and folded it up in a piece of paper like a note and handed it to a girl, so when she opened it chalk dust got everywhere. So sad, but also... creative.
And then there are the weekends. Friday comes and goes in a wine/vodka/beer haze. Saturday morning is either slept away or sometimes you're so thirsty you wake up at 7am and can't sleep anymore, so you lay in bed and stare at the wall or at someone else or text your friends to ask what else happened after you went home. Normally, we get lunch around 12, for the past two weeks we've gone to Elvis, which is a restaurant (Elvis themed) with all different types of food: Thai, Italian, sushi, American, German, desserts. Then we wander slowly around the city some more stopping here and there for snacks or drinks or anything else we can think to do.
For the past few Sundays, I've been busy visiting with different Georgians. Four weeks ago, I went to the house of a little 12 year old girl named Natali, who is the niece of my former co-teacher (in Vardisubani) Nona. I had met her a couple months ago when in Kakheti visiting Nona, and she has been texting me every so often since, asking when I could see her. Nona and her husband came to Tbilisi (Natali lives here) and Natali's family had me over for dinner with them. Three weeks ago I went to Mtskheta, a nearby town, with my co-teacher Lali and her family. Mtskheta has some of the oldest and most famous churches in Georgian. It was a really beautiful place, and it was the first time I had gone, so it was nice that Lali could tell me the history of each place we went to. Afterwards, they took me to eat khinkali, naturally. Last Sunday I went to Vardisubani to visit my old host family. It was a nicer visit than I ever could have imagined. I had some problems living there last semester, but I couldn't justify being in the same country and not even going to see them-- especially Tiko, the little girl who loved me so much. They were all so happy to see me, and had cooked my favorite Georgian foods and bought cake. They gave me kisses, and the little boy was so much bigger (after only 4 months) I couldn't even believe it. I missed them a lot, despite any issues we had, sometimes people just aren't good to live with. And then yesterday, I met up with my co-teacher Nana and another English teacher at the school (who I don't go to classes with) named Manana. They took me to a restaurant so we could eat khinkali. They ordered me 10, which I told them I was incapable of eating (my normal amount is like 4), but... they kept pressuring me, and I found that it is in fact possible for me to eat 8 khinkalis without dropping dead. Even though afterwards I did want to drop dead.

Today I woke up and out of the window I could see the hill was covered in snow. And it was still snowing. All day. It's not really sticking during the day, but I'm still impressed. It's much nicer to have snow than to have rain, though it's freakin' cold. I'm wearing three pairs of socks and it still doesn't seem to cut it.

In unrelated news, I'm getting a little anxious trying to think of what the heck I should do when I get home. Part of me just doesn't want to think about it at all, and to just enjoy what's left of my time here without any pressure. But I really DO need to think about it. And as time progresses, I consider going to South Korea to teach even more. I have been on the fence about it for a while, but it's a good and reasonable option. I get nervous because it's a longer commitment and I really don't know if I'd like it there! But then again, I came to Georgia having no idea what to expect and it's been amazing.  I also feel like I should do things like this while I'm young and don't have an "real" responsibilities. The money is good. When I was at home for summer my step-dad was really encouraging about the option, saying he thinks I should do it, which helps, but also I don't know if I like the idea of being away from my family for a year, especially since my brother's baby is going to get so big in that amount of time. I don't know. Any advice is welcome!

An open letter

If I could tell you anything, I would tell you not to accept what your culture has laid in front of you.

I would tell you not to settle.

I would tell you that you should keep going, no matter what. 

Don't marry the first man who comes your way. 

Don't give up for the sake of simplicity and societal norms. 

Keep learning. 

Find a way to achieve your goals. 

See more of the world than you ever though you would see.  

Ignore the negativity you will inevitably meet. Don't let the difficulties stand in your way. Don't let anyone tell you you aren't good enough. 

Don't let your mother, or your grandmother, or you great grandmother's choices affect the person you will become. 

Find the light in your life and follow it. 

Don't let any man be your soul source of happiness, because you will be disappointed. 

When someone enters your life, love them, even if they are unpleasant. 

Never take anyone or anything for granted. You have been given more than some people will ever know. 

You are smart, even if you don't think you are. 

You are beautiful, even when you feel ugly. 

Be someone that other would like to know. Don't let your bad days bring anyone else down. 

Keep going. Keep going. Keep going. 

If everything else fails, don't fail yourself. 

Never look back on your life wishing you had done things you didn't do because you were afraid. 

Don't be afraid. You can achieve so much; I know it. 

And if no one else thinks you can make it: I do.

dating, sex, blah blah blah

And now, since it's a hot topic in the blog-world, I'll write about dating, sex, tlg, blah blah blah in Georgia. My entry isn't the most serious of blog entries, but I'm not the most serious person. Just thought I'd give a different perspective on a topic that seems to be debated sometimes. I mean, doesn't EVERYONE considering coming to Georgia worry about getting laid alllll the time? Ha.

Here are some things I have heard about sex/gender/dating/etc.:
*Georgian guys are sleazy

This can be true. But saying every Georgian guy is sleazy is stupid. I mean, we all get annoyed when guys hit on us like crazy, but this happens in the US or Canada or England or where-ever else as well. Georgian guys can be forward. Sometimes they will ask for you number a million times and will not accept "no" for an answer. Sometimes you will give a normal-seeming guy your number and he will call you eight times in a row from multiple phone numbers when you don't answer. But really, have you never been to a bar and gotten a creeper bothering you? If you haven't, you don't go out enough. In a way, I think the persistence of a Georgian man almost deserves some respect. He sees something he likes and he goes for it. Better than some wimpy whiny kid who will write a song about never being able to be with you after seeing you on a subway once (p.s. you'll probably get hit on while riding the metro).

--prime example--

There are a million normal Georgian guys. My friend C gets guys driving her home all the time. I don't particularly recommend getting in a car with a strange man who pulls over next to you and says "I see you walking a lot. I want to meet you," but if you are daring, may as well try it. C has made some pretty nice friends this way! And gotten free rides! And so far they haven't done anything creepier than this. Well, one of them professed his lover for her and bought her roses, but he took it like a man when she explained that she had a boyfriend back home. They are still friends. Not sleazy. And definitely not a date-rapist.

Of course, I say all this, but there are some sleazy guys here. I have had one bad experience so far, but the guy was actually from Azerbaijan. He got me on a balcony and was trying to kiss me and wouldn't let go. It was scary but I escaped. Take note, though, this could happen anywhere. I have friends in my hometown that have been assaulted and/or raped, and we live in a relatively safe place. Be careful girls, no matter where in the world you are.

*Georgian guys suck in bed

This is something I have no personal experience with. Sorry, I haven't slept with a Georgian, or really anyone  here for that matter. I have made out with one Georgian guy. It wasn't the worst thing in the world; it wasn't the best thing in the world. I have friends who have slept with Georgian guys. I know people who have Georgian boyfriends. If the sex was THAT terrible, I doubt they would stay together too long. Maybe that's shallow of me to say, but... if you're only in the country for a short period of time, wouldn't you want a boyfriend who at least was good in bed? Good reasoning, right? As for the one night stands I've heard about, seems like they haven't been the best. But then again, it's drunk random one-time sex, if the guy isn't paying all that much attention to what the girl wants he could just be being selfish--after all, he'll probably never see her again; who cares what she wants? I mean, that's rude of the guy. Guys should always care about what the girl wants! But you know, some times a girl doesn't want to give a guy a blow job either! It's your prerogative  And keep in mind, if you suck too bad--word will get out and you may never get sex again! That's my advice to guys who don't try to make the girl happy while they are hooking up. Guys around the world!!! Not only Georgians. 

*Georgian girls won't have sex with you

Even if they won't have sex with you, I won't either, and I'm an American.
But yeah, because girls are a bit more repressed in society here than they are in more Westernized countries, it's generally frowned upon for girls to be sexually active before marriage. I don't think this means every girl is necessarily against hooking up with someone they are into, but don't expect it to be like going to Sweden or something where sex is pretty acceptable. If you do date a girl, if she isn't into having sex with you, don't push the idea. There's nothing worse than a douche who tries to persuade you to do him when you just don't want to! Deal breaker for sure! But I see so many girls and guys making out in parks that I can tell there's some action to be had at least, maybe not "home run" status, but it's something, if you're really worried about it. And if you are REALLY worried about it, get a prostitute (see following bullet points). It's less effort and might even be cheaper in the long run-- no wining and dining. 

*Georgian girls suck in bed
If two people both suck in bed and don't know it, do they still think the other person sucks in bed? If all Georgian guys suck in bed, and all Georgian girls suck in bed, then wouldn't it not even matter? Until they try to get with a person who claims to not suck in bed. And what if you suck in bed and just don't know it?
Anyway, I've never had sex with a Georgian girl, so who knows. But I'm sure there is not an entire country full of people (of any gender) that just innately sucks at having sex. Maybe they don't get as much practice as some people in more promiscuous countries, but I'm sure 16 year olds who are having sex in the US aren't very good in bed either. If you want to have sex with a Georgian girl, from what I've heard, it's probably going to take a bit of wooing on your part anyway, so if you're willing to put in the effort to get that far into the relationship, you should probably be nice enough to not judge her abilities in bed anyway, unless you're an asshole... which maybe you are if you are dating someone JUST because you want to have sex with them.

*All Georgian men sleep with hookers

During orientation we were told that Georgian men all sleep with prostitutes because the Georgian girls were expected to be virgins until marriage. And after marriage it is still acceptable for the men to sleep with other women besides their wives. I really am not sure if this is true. I haven't asked enough men to know and in this case I think I might be better off not knowing. I did have one friend, though whose host-brother took him to a brothel somewhere in Tbilisi and the whole experience seemed incredibly awkward. This is reasoning enough to know that some Georgians go to hookers, but I can't really believe that everyone of them does. As for hookers, I heard a rumor that a lot of them are Ukrainian or Russian. But then again... (see next bullet)

*Some TLGs sleep with hookers

The same friend who went to the brothel with his host-brother slept with a Georgian girl. Of course, he told me that he "met a Georgian girl" and slept with her. We were a little surprised because from everything we've heard, Georgian girls don't usually sleep with guys they just met. Come to find out (through the grapevine), he indeed picked a prostitute from the brothel and slept with her. I have also heard (through more grapevines) about other guys who like to sleep with prostitutes every so often in Georgia. It doesn't seem totally outlandish. My advice--if you're going to do it, don't tell anyone, because everyone in TLG will find out. Unless of course you are proud of the fact that you have to pay for sex. Then by all means, tell people. As a side-note, this "grapevine" analogy makes perfect sense to me today for the first time. After a trip to Kakheti to pick grapes, I see how easy it could be to whisper interesting tid-bits through the vines to people also picking grapes on the other side!

*Guys and girls can't be friends with each other
Maybe a guy wants more from a girl, but if she friend-zones him, what can you do? And the other way around. One of my Georgian friends told me once (while he was wasted, after threatening to bride-nap me to Batumi) that you can't be friends with the opposite gender unless you want to do them, at least a little bit. I have other (American, girl) friends who have many Georgian male-friends. The guys basically are in love with her, but she's made it clear it's just not gonna happen, and they are still friends. Maybe they will every once in a while send some awkward texts about how she's so amazing, but that's flattering and easy to ignore for the sake of keeping someone as a friend. I'm still friends with the dude who threatened to bride-nap me, and I don't want to kiss him these days (it was a long time ago!), but we're still on good terms. He helped me find my apartment. I ran into him the other day at the store and we had a nice chat. Then he sent me an awkward text about how gorgeous I looked, but it was flattering. Still friends. I'll just ignore the weird parts. I have friends like that at home too. My last boyfriend was always saying he thought most of my male friends wanted to hook up with me secretly; I don't believe it, but you never know I guess. I mean, I have male friends who I secretly think are hot too. But we are just friends, and neither one of us care enough to do anything about it, so we can just be friends. That's how it works.

*In TLG everyone hooks up with each other

TLG is so incestuous it's disgusting. You are in a random country with a lot of people who speak minimal amounts of English. When you get with others who speak English fluently, who understand weird slang and innuendo, it feels like complete freedom! And of course, our get-togethers usually involve alcohol. Things happen. People you may never have spoken to while at home are suddenly your best friends. You rely on these people a lot. When you have a bad day, you call them. When you get lost, you call them. When you are annoyed at a particular student, you call them. When you miss home, you call them. You get close quickly. And in the same way you become friends, it's easy for other things to happen. You're annoyed at a Georgian guy who called you 8 times in one day? You drink some vodka and kiss a TLG boy instead. You are feeling repressed by the village gossip? You go to Tbilisi where no-one knows you and drink some vodka and kiss a TLG boy. Yeah, it happens. Sometimes people make out on the dance floor. Sometimes people go hook-up in parks or unfortunately in the hostel dorm-room you are trying to sleep in.  Sometimes people fall in love. In my group last semester, a guy from England and a girl from Oklahoma met during orientation and we all watched and waited as the two love-birds slowly started a relationship (we could all see from a mile away), and it was adorable. Still it's pretty adorable, if you like that nauseating boyfriend/girlfriend stuff! Of course, that doesn't happen quite as often as the random encounters.

*Everyone hooks up in parks

The young'ns seem to like this tactic. Parents don't like their kids to do things under their roof. I don't think parents particularly like that anywhere. It must be traumatic for a parent to walk in on their teenage kids doing inappropriate things. In Georgia, the young people go make-out in parks. Chances are, if you go to a park, you'll see some very interesting happenings. It's sort of like watching a car-wreck. You just can't look away. Yesterday there were a couple teenagers making out on top of a big rock in a park in central Tbilisi. And by making out on a rock I mean the girl was on top of the guy and his back was arched in a very uncomfortable looking way over the rock. And then the policeman patrolling the park got mad at my friend for having his shoe on the bench, but said nothing about the make-out kids. I guess he must remember what it was like when he was a Georgian 16 year olds trying to get his kicks somewhere.
As for TLGs, I have also heard of people making out in parks. Most TLGs live with host families, which I suppose makes having sex awkward. I can't imagine anything weirder than trying to bring home a guy/girl while living a room away from a family you don't know very well and maybe don't even speak the same language as. So, TLGs get creative. Sometimes it just ends up that they go to a hostel for a night, which sucks, because usually there are other people in the hostel room and it sucks for those people who are sleeping innocently and wake up to see someone's naked butt and awkward sound affects from the next bunk over (I know this sucks because I've been the sleeping person woken up by not-so-quiet couples multiple times). Other times, they go to parks. Or make out on balconies. Or benches. Or bathrooms. Pretty much anywhere except at home. But watch-out. I heard a rumor that one person was doing some inappropriate things where there were biting ants around and she had an allergic reaction to them and had to go to the hospital. Pretty gnarly. 

*You will be bride napped

You will not be bride napped.

I feel weird

For no particular reason. Or maybe there is a particular reason. I don't know. I just feel weird. 
It seems like none of my actions lately have any legitimate purpose and I'm kind of just flaling around in the world doing dumb things just for the sake of doing something at all. And then I get myself in strange situations and then get annoyed at myself for it when maybe that's what I've been wanting all along! 

Excuse

Using "I'm leaving in ___" as an easy way to defer all of my "problems." I wonder what I'll do when I'm back for real and don't have that excuse anymore.

Places

There are so many beautiful places in the world that it completely overwhelms me. It's like my friends who worry when they think about all the books and how they will never be able to read them all in their lifetime. How will I ever see all these places? How will I even decide which one to see next?

Packing up everything I own is a daunting challenge. I have to admit, I'm procrastinating a ton. I have under 2.5 weeks to get everything I own into a storage unit and leave the country. I also have under 2.5 to hang out with everyone I know. I feel constantly busy, except for today because I'm just sitting around going through stuff trying to decide if I REALLY want to keep it, or if I can donate it to Goodwill. I am really too sentimental. Do I need to save a random candle holder that my friend gave me in 7th grade? I guess not.... but what if I want it for some reason later and don't have it!?!?!
I think the worst part is imagining not living in my condo anymore. After 3.5 years it's more of a "home" than pretty much anywhere else in the world. And soon I won't have it anymore! It's sad, but exciting.
I am so excited to go to Georgia. But nervous. And what do I even pack??? I'm not sure how to prioritize my clothing, because I love it all. And shoes... that will be DIFFICULT.