An open letter

If I could tell you anything, I would tell you not to accept what your culture has laid in front of you.

I would tell you not to settle.

I would tell you that you should keep going, no matter what. 

Don't marry the first man who comes your way. 

Don't give up for the sake of simplicity and societal norms. 

Keep learning. 

Find a way to achieve your goals. 

See more of the world than you ever though you would see.  

Ignore the negativity you will inevitably meet. Don't let the difficulties stand in your way. Don't let anyone tell you you aren't good enough. 

Don't let your mother, or your grandmother, or you great grandmother's choices affect the person you will become. 

Find the light in your life and follow it. 

Don't let any man be your soul source of happiness, because you will be disappointed. 

When someone enters your life, love them, even if they are unpleasant. 

Never take anyone or anything for granted. You have been given more than some people will ever know. 

You are smart, even if you don't think you are. 

You are beautiful, even when you feel ugly. 

Be someone that other would like to know. Don't let your bad days bring anyone else down. 

Keep going. Keep going. Keep going. 

If everything else fails, don't fail yourself. 

Never look back on your life wishing you had done things you didn't do because you were afraid. 

Don't be afraid. You can achieve so much; I know it. 

And if no one else thinks you can make it: I do.

Gender/Math

This topic stems from a conversation in my 11th grade class yesterday. After reading passages about Einstein and Marie Curie, the textbook offered the following question for classroom discussion. "Agree or disagree: boys are better at math than girls." I laughed to myself because obviously by now we all know that "boys and girls are equally as good at math, but boys have just been historically pointed towards the subject of math and science in school." Oh wait, I'm in Georgia. Oh wait, only the boys in this class know English. G, who is always kind, sort of stepped back on this topic even though he usually has a lot to say. This may have been because when M and L stated that they definitely agreed, I gave them the "are you crazy?" look. L's reasoning behind the agreement was that boys are just naturally smarter and more genius (it's especially good if you could hear the way he was pronouncing genius "gene-you-us"), and sometimes girls seem better but that is only because the boys are being lazy, but innately boys are better. And the girls who are smart at math just had to work really hard to memorize everything, and it took much more effort because they are not naturally as good. He goes on to use Einstein as an example, because Einstein was very bad in school but he was naturally a genius. Then M comes into the conversation and says that even if we look at their class, all the boys are smarter than the girls. And most famous scientists and mathematicians were men. This is when G, who I think notices that I feel uncomfortable, comes into the conversation and starts saying that maybe it doesn't matter who is smarter because technology is advancing so quickly maybe someday no one will have to remember anything anymore. We will all have computers to remember everything for us.
So, I am basically in shock here, trying to decide how I will formulate a good solid response that is not only incredibly intelligent (because I'm a female so now I have to really defend females everywhere), but in simple enough English that they will be able to understand. So I'm coming up with my answer when my co-teacher, N, steps in. "I agree with you, I think boys are better than girls at maths usually." This is when in my haed, I am thinking "WHAT!"
And I shake my head and said "I really disagree." And the second I open my mouth to continue on, the bell rings.
As we walk out, N is still bickering a bit with M and L, saying that she was very good at math growing up, better than most of the boys in her class. I tell N that it's just no true, and she says "well, in their class it is true." And then the conversation ends.
But what I wanted to say all along, was that of course this seems true. Of course it seems as though men are better than women at math and science, when growing up boys are tracked into the scientific and mathematical areas of school, more because of gender roles than because of actual intelligence. And historically, of course more men were scientists and mathematicians because women weren't even allowed into higher education until fairly recently. The famous women scientists were aberrations not because "wow, it's so crazy this lady is actually smart!" but because they were the few who could step beyond the baby-making dinner-cooking gender roles expected of them. And living in Georgia, I suppose I should not be surprised by this mindset, because many of the women here are in the role of housewife. When I am frequently told about girls who drop out of school because they are getting married and having babies (in high school), it's easier to understand why the boys don't think they are intelligent. Because maybe the girls are the smartest in the class when they are young, but then they give up education for a simple life of diaper changing and dish washing, and although that is a role that is necessary in the world, it won't win a Nobel Prize...
All this talk just makes me want to go do a crazy science experiment and show my students what's up!!!

kargi gogo

Yesterday I was invited to "the wood" (I don't know if this is British English or what; I would say "the woods," not wood. But they always just say wood) with my 9th graders because apparently lessons were canceled (no one thought to tell me, ugh). So the 9th grade class was going to the woods nearby to have a picnic. They convinced me to go and were SO excited. There was a lot of shrieking when I finally accepted the invitation. they had a mound of groceries ready to go. Most of the class was walking, but I wanted to change my shoes (I was wearing some flimsy flats), so one 9th grader and I walked to my house where I changed and then a man in a car with 3 of the 9th grade boys and all the food pulled up and picked us up. It was strange being sandwiched in the backseat between a bunch of 9th graders.
At the picnic there was sausage, chicken, soda, beer, bread, cookies, tomatoes, cucumbers... all sorts of things and it was all very delicious. They made quite a fuss about making sure I had a bit of everything and kept putting more and more on my dish and filling my beer cup quite often. It was strange drinking with a bunch of students, but no one drank too much.
After we ate the girls convinced me to go into the forest with them and they all picked me flowers until I had quite a bouquet. Then we ran in the field and I rode one of the boys' bikes that was much to big for me. It was a really nice time and I had a lot of fun. I think they were all very happy I came. They kept asking to take pictures with me and were holding my hands and telling me they love me.
One thing I did notice about this event, however, was how separated the boys and girls were. At the table all of the girls sat at one end and all the boys on the other. They didn't really even talk much. And after we ate all the girls and I went out to the field while the boys loitered around the fire they had built. It was really strange by American standards. Because 14/15 year olds in the US are always flirting and joking around with each other.
Also, a bit away from us was a group of three people also picnicking. It was one female and two males. My student, Mari, who was sitting next to to me kept exclaiming and pointing at them and saying "bad girl! two boys! one girl! bad girl!!" and she thought it was incredibly hilarious. Also, at one point one of the boys and the girl, who I could tell were a couple, kissed and this was CRAZY to them. Mari- "Kiss! On lip! Bad girl!" and then we all looked over and everyone started giggling and remarking about the bad girl.
I was told that things would be different here in that regard, but it was really strange anyway. Especially because I've always been the type of girl who hangs out with a lot of boys. It made me wonder if they would really tell me I was a good girl all the time if they knew how I usually am at home. Because a lot of times I'll just be hanging out with just guys, and it's not at all weird. Also, when I have a boyfriend there is definitely a bit of PDA. Not even a lot (at least not a lot by American standards), but I have been known to get a kiss here and there from a boyfriend while in a public place...
I guess it's things like that that make you really realize you are in a distant place..... that and how much the young people drink.

Morning of Love Day

I've been having a rough few days. I guess I've just been feeling really irritated for no apparent reason. I guess maybe it's because we just hit the two month mark of being here... many of us in my same TLG group have been feeling this way as well.
Earlier in the week I agreed to go to my 7th grade student, Nazi's house. She is the same girl who started texting me and giving me letters a few weeks ago. I was pretty nervous about this because her English isn't the best, but I figured it would be fine and I ended up having a really good time. She lives with her mother and her brother who must be in 2nd or 3rd grade. Her father lives in Russia where he works. This is a common situation here. Many of my students have one or more parent living in another country because it is very difficult for them to find jobs in Georgia. Nazi's family was really welcoming and fun and I had a great time. They took me to two nearby monasteries that I hadn't seen before, and also to a park in Telavi that I didn't even realize existed. They didn't really know much English, but I had my phrasebook and that helped us a ton.
After we went out, we went back to their house and ate and drank beer. I think Nazi had a bit too much to drink and she was a bit clumsy and hilarious. They put on music like Ke$ha and Britney Spears and Eminem and were trying to get me to dance, but I really didn't have enough to drink to feel up to dancing in the living room with two of my students. It's so funny, because in the US this would not be acceptable. Not only because these kids are so young they couldn't be drinking anyway, but also because I'm their teacher and that would be inappropriate.
After dancing for a while, the neighbors invited us over. I already knew them because they are friends with my host family and god parents of Tiko. So we went over there and I showed them pictures on my facebook (they don't have FB) and we ate ice cream. Also, I thought for some stupid reason I knew how to play dominoes so I agreed to play with the neighbor man, Gia. But as it turns out I really had no idea how to play except for the part where you have to put down a domino with the same number of dots on it. So everyone had to help me because I was like an idiot, but I ended up totally winning.
After this we went back to the house and I watched part of a really strange movie (i just googled and it is called Twin Sitters http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0122768 ) dubbed over in Georgian. Then we went to sleep.
This morning they really didn't want me to leave. This seems to be a recurring problem here. When I go somewhere people don't want me to leave and try to convince me to stay longer. I guess I didn't really have a good reason for wanting to leave, like I'm not busy until almost 2pm today, but I really wanted to go home and get ready and change my clothes before my classes. They seemed pretty disappointed and I felt a little bad, but I did tell them I wanted to leave this morning around 11.
Nazi gave me a gift for Love Day, which was a little bunny stuffed animal and a card she made. She's such a sweet girl. Also, yesterday her and her friends gave me another card they had made me. And she gave me like three pairs of earrings for no apparent reason. I guess they were from her mother as well. I felt so weird about taking them, but they insisted. I just feel so bad taking gifts because I know most people don't have a lot of money and I really don't NEED more earrings. It's very sweet though. I love the people in Georgia so much for the most part. They will do just about anything for you and to show you that they care about you. I guess in general they just seem so generous; it's unbelievable.
So Love Day is off to a good start. Soon I will go to my lesson. We will see how it goes because it's pretty hit or miss sometimes. But then it's the weekend! And I was invited to a birthday party tomorrow night (the man I was playing dominoes with), and on Sunday morning TLG is taking a bunch of us to Gori to see the Stalin Museum and then go to a cave city or something..... and then, Wednesday night we go to Tbilisi and Thursday morning we go to ARMENIA!!! YAYY!

Weird moods

I've had a headache for three days.
This morning one of our 4th graders brought me a bouquet of honeysuckle and daffodils.
Today in the staff room there was some meeting which turned into a lot of yelling in Georgian. My co-teacher was also angry and raising her voice. She told me that the director was saying they are not allowed to punish their students and that the teachers have no rights. I asked what she meant by punish and if yelling at the students counted. She said she didn't know. My other co-teacher didn't seem angry; she laughed at how crazy everyone was. Then she told me that the teachers can't cry at the children and hit them. I think cry means yell? Not hitting children is fine with me.
This event made my head hurt worse.
Everyone seemed kind of weird today. I was basically lost in my own world for the entire day.
My 11th graders were especially strange. They seemed like they were all in a bad mood and bickering with one another. One of them who is usually very attentive did absolutely nothing. They were really grumpy until my co-teacher told them I was going to Armenia for Easter. This got them talking. Talkin' a lot of shit! Apparently they don't like Armenians. They told me they hope I don't like them either. Then they went on to describe their appearance as having big noses, eyebrows and they are "black" which to them means dark, not African. They also said that they don't like them because they do not have a sea, which the Georgians do. So during summer tons of Armenians come to the Black Sea and sing their Armenian songs and cook their Armenian food. I didn't think this sounded so bad........ But then one of the students said that if the Armenian has money, the Georgians will like them, and he laughed. So at least he seemed to realize how ridiculous it all was. Even if he feels the same way. Then they tried to teach me a couple Armenian words like "beautiful girl" or "beautiful boy" which I was really unsure why I would need to know. I asked them, and they said "if you know an Armenian word they will think you are Armenian and be nice to you!" and I was thinking "umm they will NOT think I'm Armenian...." not to mention, they were just talking about how Armenians are ugly! Then they tried to teach me how to say "I love you" which I'm quite positive I won't be needing to know. Especially if they are as ugly as my students claim they are.
Anyway, this post is starting to seem kind of anti-Armenian and also mean. I don't have any idea if all Georgians feel this way about Armenia of it is just my three grumpy 17 year old students. Either way, I'm totally excited to go to Armenia! You can't listen to opinions like these. If I listened to what my friend in Russia said about Georgians, I wouldn't have ever ended up in Georgia!

"wasting words on lower cases and capitals"

I woke up in the middle of the night last night because everything sounded weird. Turns out, it was raining heavily, but it didn't sound like rain for some reason. I don't know if it's what the building is made out of or the roof or what, but it doesn't sound like how rain normally sounds in the middle of the night. This morning, shortly after I woke up, it started snowing. The biggest snowflakes I have ever seen! (not that that is saying much at all). So I had to walk to school with the giant snowflakes sticking all over me like bird poop but not nearly as gross.
Have I mentioned the dead dog between my school and home? I don't think I have. There is a little dead dog on the "sidewalk" (there aren't any sidewalks). It took me a while to establish that it was actually a dog because of it's size and it was weirdly dried out. And it had no legs. And it's mouth was open in a weird grimace. I don't know why I'm oddly fascinated by roadkill. And now I have an excellent specimen to check out twice a day. Anyway, today was the most depressing it has looked because of the snow and rain. It didn't look so dried out anymore and it was laying there pathetically with snow on it. I don't know why I'm describing a dead thing.
Today has been a kind of crappy day. It must be the weather. And there has been a bit of drama with my school director. She seems to not want me to go to Armenia over break for no apparent reason. And my co-teachers are saying I need to go anyway (as if I wouldn't!). And then today one of my co-teachers was telling me the director thinks I can speak Georgian! Which also means she must think I'm lying when I say I can't! Ridiculous! My other co-teacher had to leave school early today because she was really sick, so I ended up doing  our 10th grade lesson alone. I guess it went OK. I just had the read a passage in their textbook and answer a couple questions about it. Then we just sat around and talked for most of the time. They said it was a good lesson and told me that it helps the a lot more to talk like we did than it does for the to do work from the textbook only. Which I agree completely. I also feel like the fact that I can't speak Georgian probably motivates them more to try with their English instead of resorting to Georgian only.
After school I felt like I was on the verge of yelling at my host sister. Sometimes she just won't leave me alone and it drives be completely insane. There is no good way of explaining to her that I just need silence for a while or that I'm busy doing something because she doesn't speak English well enough. So she just says "why" over and over and I say "because!" and it's awful. I felt like I was getting very short with her and I felt a little bad, but then again, how else am I supposed to express anything when language fails?

Club Day and Nazi

It's Friday, which means I don't have to be at school until 1:45 to do my "club." Fridays are awesome because I get to sleep in and then only be at school for 30-45 minutes doing whatever I want. And best of all, THE ELECTRICITY IS ON RIGHT NOW! When I wake up and the electricity is on, it makes me instantly in a better mood. It's funny, because back home I never had to wake up and lay in bed trying to decide if I should even check the lightswitch and be disappointed when it isn't on, or just assume it is off and go about my day. Anyway, it is on and I am happy.
I woke up at 10:20 this morning to a knock on my door. Host mother had to leave and was bringing me breakfast. She had a good laugh when it was VERY apparent that I had just woken up and hopped out of bed to let her in. I couldn't even open my eyes because the sunlight was so bright. And when I looked in the mirror... my hair was ridiculous. That's because I actually got to take a shower last night and slept with wet hair. Oh well!
And now, the real meat of this post:
A couple of days ago I started getting texts from a random number saying it was someone named Nazi who is 12 years old and lives in Vardisubani. Of course, I thought this was Lydia or Cort messing with me because they had just the day before been joking around about kids named Swastika and Nazi in their classes. So, I ignored the texts. I was pretty impressed by Lydia/Cort's ability to recreate terrible vocabulary use and sentence structure like a true English Language Learner.
Yesterday, however, I was walking out of the school to go home after the 7th grade lesson, when a group of four comes up behind me. One girl said "my gift for you" and handed me a pink card she had made. It said "I <3 You" on the front. I smiled and said thank you and she kept following me. I opened up the card.
Inside it read "HII.. My names is Nazi. I am 12 yeard old. I'm dancer. I love dance this is hobby. I am Georgian, my teleph number is _______! I love you very much. What your names? Where are you from? What your telephon number? Can you was my friend? What your hobby? you are very good girl. I love you BaBy"
So, as it turns out, Nazi is real. I'm not quite sure why she doesn't know my name... unless she just thinks that is how you start talking to someone. Later in the evening, I received more texts from Nazi. Because I'm incredibly curious, I responded and thanked her for the card and asked how she got my number. Apparently Tiko gave it to her. Now I am left wondering who else in the school has my phone number. Also, Nazi is relentless with the texts. I get about 3 in a row every time she sends one. She always calls me "bay-bay." Where do they come up with this stuff?

 Not to be outdone, after seeing the card Nazi gave me, Tiko made me a card as well.

I'm glad it's just about the weekend. Tomorrow Shay is coming from her village to Telavi, and the usual Telavi area gang (Shannon, Cort, Phil, Andrea and I) are going to meet up with her. We are going to try to visit the castle in the day andShay and I are planning to either stay the night in Shannon's village or in a hotel in Telavi. Should be excellent. Then next weeken-- Tbilisi trip and possible football (soccer) game at the stadium. Hooray!

Different planet

Every once in a while, I feel really weird. Not really depressed or anything. It just kind of hits me like "you are really far away from home and nothing makes sense." Mostly, it happens when I'm sitting in the living room looking at the unknown food in front of me and thinking "well, might as well try it!" and then it ends up being something like a massive hot dog that isn't shaped like a hot dog. And I really hate hot dogs. Actually, I think this was the most nauseating thing I've eaten since I've been here! Even grosser than the raw fish with it's head on the plate in front of me! But, now I've learned my lesson and will not eat it in the future.
And then other times I wish I was at home:
the middle of the night (or like midnight) when I'm really craving something I could easily get at Safeway but don't even know if they would sell in this country,
when I don't know where I would buy a certain thing (most things),
when I can't go anywhere without getting a ride (am I 15 again??),
when there is snow everywhere and I'm freezing,
when I want Taco Bell (frequently),
when I can't understand a word anyone is saying and cannot even express to anyone how I feel or even communicate a simple sentence like "Temuri is really funny, what is he trying to say to me?"
So, sometimes it basically feels like I'm on a different planet. I guess I've never been away from everyone I know for so long or really at all. But, I can call all my other TLG friends for free and it helps a lot because man, sometimes you just need to speak in English and be able to use slang or even regular terms that are beyond seventh grade vocab.

So now that I've complained a bit about everything being weird and different. I will list some good things.
Today:
I got off work ridiculously early, at like 12:45 and came home and had the house to myself. But I basically just hung out in my bedroom... the power was off all day too, so I couldn't even take a shower or go on my computer. But it was still nice to relax.
I was in my room at dinner time and Shorena sent me a text from the living room saying "please come to the supper" which made me laugh.
Talked on the phone with Cort and got a lot of hilarious texts from him.
Was entertained by Temuri (the 4 yr old) after "supper," he likes to mimic English words like "OK" every time I say them, in fact he is just very interested in me in general. He talks to me for long periods of time in Georgian even though I have no idea what he's saying. He also likes to sing and dance around the living room and acts shy when I look at him doing it. He's really adorable.

Ok. Well I'm done for  now. Tomorrow we have the day off for Mother's Day, so I am planning to go into Telavi and meet up with Cort and Ryan. Then on Friday night, we are going to Tbilisi for the weekend! Hurray!

"English Teacher"

Today was the day..... my first solo lesson. As far as lessons go, it sucked. It wasn't even a lesson. It was 20-something Georgian children ranging from grade 7-11  (and my 5th grade host sister) asking me questions verging on too personal.
I was told there would be 12 students, six from 7th grade and six from 8th grade. So I walked in expecting to give a lesson (not a boring grammar lesson, but an interactive conversation lesson at least), after letting them ask me questions (because we are told they will be very interested in us and our countries). But of course, because nothing ever makes sense here, I come in and sit down in front of the class, and more and more students start coming in! Soon there weren't even enough chairs for them all so girls were pushing chairs together to make some sort of bench/couch/chair combo. I forgot to mention, the class was at least 2/3 boys.
So... I started off as planned, making all the students tell me their name and age and something they liked to do. This went fine at first, but then every boy just said "I like football" and it became a joke so we all just laughed when someone said they liked football. The girls got more creative, and then one of my 11th grade boys started going on and on about how he likes hunting (he did the same thing yesterday in class).
After that I let them ask questions. This ended up taking the entire lesson and they asked some ridiculous questions and every now and then someone (usually one of the 11th graders) would blurt something out in Georgian and the whole class would start laughing hysterically. I didn't mind so much the interruption, it was more that I was just worrying what the hell they were saying. Some students were definitely embarrassed at points. I guess one instance was one of the boys (in Georgian) said he wanted to take a picture with me, and then another student translated for me.
There was also a few minutes when one student started going on and on about how much he hates Russia and Putin.
It was definitely an interesting hour.... And then after class I walked home and then went to Telavi to meet up with some of the other English teachers.
Andrea and I went to a restaurant for dinner and got pizza that was actually really good. And who did I run into there? None other but one of my 11th grade male students. He acted as translator as another guy hit on me for a ridiculously long time (even after I refused to give him my phone number multiple times). Then my student was telling me that it was an interesting lesson but I think he really  just thought it was weird. And he told me to "be careful" with some of those students because they are not good. And when I asked him why they all laughed so much, apparently they were taking pictures of me on their phones. Which is creepy but not the worst thing that could happen I suppose.
So..... off to a good start. Hah.