I don’t know what love is. I don’t know what it feels like. It’s been too long for me to be able to resurrect any leftover bits of it and believe that it exists somewhere.
I thought I wanted to be alone, to find who I am, to live selfishly. All I have found is that I am nothing without someone’s perception of me. I am not beautiful on my own. I am not purposeful.
I don’t want to kiss someone else. I don’t want anyone to stay the night.
I want to curl up and watch the Christmas tree lights blur in my vision. I want to eat and spend money and try to find a way to make myself more suitable for the independent situation.
But it doesn’t work. I just see all the other girls who are prettier than I am. Girls who want people to stay the night--who want to kiss whoever wants to kiss them.
I am broke and still alone and I don’t care what anyone says. There is only one person that matters to me and I haven’t even found him yet.
No comments:
Post a Comment